Kaun Hai Tasneema!?

17th Nov '08

I never imagined liquor chocolates could make me sleep like a log! So that day finally I had one before jumping to sleep.

Soon I realized I was in a lot of turmoil and it was of utmost importance that I meet Salmaan. Salmaan was a good friend and I had to meet him since he was the only guy who could protect me in this time of need and terror. I soon realized I had to be a savior and Salmaan was the only answer to all my worries. Soon I knocked at his little "chawl" door in my society. The society was good, I mean all cemented and white but the corridors selectively looked like a old chawl. It was strong and cozy though. Salmaan was seated on a chair as I ran to him and talk to him of how bad the situation was and that I needed guns to be the savior for this society! Very soon Salmaan handed over a bazooka, and said keep this its good and the best. Content- I slung it cross across my shoulder and walked off.

Very soon I realized a single bazooka was not enough and the distant gunshots were getting louder and more audible as I could see vivid images of soldiers ripping apart a war ground. I rush back to Salmaan and ask him for more guns. He obliged and said I was doing the right thing and handed me over a few guns and boxes of bullets for the same, for some odd reason the bullets were soft and looked like little dildos- he said they were the best and made a mark on the enemy.

Soon I saw Tasneema- a happy sweet girl in Salmaan's house. She was his sister and a good friend of mine. Riding along the streets seated pillion to her felt odd but we kept blabbering of a lot of things... things that meant nothing and at times total gibberish crap. The bazooka was still stuck to my back but never felt uncomfortable. Soon we needed to park the vehicle, we neared F.C. college. Very odd- the parking area along the road was all dug up and was nothing more than a heap of mud strewn around. I was riding the scooty now, so somehow managed to push and park the vehicle, but odd the scooty was the only vehicle being parked on that busy day. Suddenly I turned around to see that there was no road!

Suddenly there was an attack .. bullets flying everywhere, huge sounds of battle- gunshots ,cannon balls, blasts etc. etc. I also managed to spot a king riding on a horse with his sword sticking high up as he rode yelling at the enemy. Weird... I stuck out my own gun at the blood thirsty enemy - but wait the gun .. the gun was all plastic - it was a toy, and it soon broke off! I was doomed , but funny I was not scared. I knew my bazooka would save the society, I rushed to Salmaan!

Me: "Abbey yeh bazooka ko kaise chalate hain Bhaijaan?"
Salmaan: "Yeh button dabba to to yeh peeche hoga .. phir yeh compartment khulega .. phir unlock hoga uske baad tera mutex free hojayega aur semaphone plus plus ho jayega"

Suddenly we found ourselves inside this chambered room. We are actually standing inside the bazooka! What!! He opened a huge and strong furnace door, but it looked like that of "Kenstar". There were wild flames inside the door, he then tossed in a lot of "paavs"(bread) One loaf after another and I kept watching closely with keen interest, as I needed to know how to fire the bazooka. Then Salmaan turned over to me and said "Jaise hi ting ting ting ki awaaz ayegi to ek ek karke niklenge ye bazooka se aur toot padenge dusman par". I was happy and proud of my newly found knowledge. Then starts the war , I watched and studied the enemy from very close quarters.

Suddenly I found myself seated across a dining table with a cup of tea, Tasneema's mom was standing on the other side of the table giving a content smile. I sip on the tea and as soon as I lift my head, the whole room is full of guests- Hindus and Muslims alike. All were very occupied and happy for some reason, I knew it was a KPC in progress- It felt weirdly uncomfortable in a way and a usual uneasiness crept into me. Tasneema's mom kept smiling giving indications that all is ok. I was wide eyed.

Then I spotted some old village folk seated under a old "pipal" tree. They were discussing about how bad terrorism was and were discussing about the terrorist attack, all this time the war was on in full swing behind us- but somehow they were least bothered about it. It was then that an old man looked up to me and said "beta ATM mein bandook rakhi hai".

I then seat myself pillion to the scooty as Tasneema rode on into the dark night. WE soon reached an old abandoned 2-storied building. The building seemed incomplete since the land it was built on was under litigation. The first floor had its shutter partly open and the ATM was inside in a far corner. I told Tasneema "Mujhe bandooken withdraw karni hain.." as I took the ATM card and ascended a couple of steps to rush to the ATM in a dark corner inside.

At the ATM, once I inserted the card in the slot a couple of lights behind a glass pane started blinking on the topside of the machine. A man from inside the machine looked at me from behind the glass lights and asked "Kaaunsi color ki chahiye?" I replied "Mere paas bazooka hai..". Suddenly a gun popped into the tray below from the machine. I lift the gun and looked down and suddenly realized I had my hands full of guns of all shapes and sizes.

Soon I found myself back at Salmaan's house, I stepped out and saw the mercy-less war on at full wage. I turned my head and saw Tasneema at the far end of the dining table "Chaay pee lo.. thandi ho rahi hai". Her mom slid her palm across my hair affectionately and I felt like one of those gratitude-laden dogs wagging their tail for more affection. I turned my head again and saw Salmaan ruining like crazy for his life, there were some 3-4 commandos behind him with automatic weapons, he got shot and killed. It was like a movie, I turned my head and Salmaan was standing content next to his sister. Both starred at me.

I then found myself again at the "pipal" tree with all the old folk in the village. This time they are arguing heatedly about the terrorists. Suddenly I got shot in the leg, wasting no time I manned the bazooka over my right shoulder and again found myself on the passageway of the society. I was suddenly forced to jump with the bazooka but landed perfectly on the stairs below. I heard the "ting ting" sound, I knew the bazooka was going to fire -took aim at the mercy-less enemy. But wait the bazooka... it was nothing more than a pink colored water pistol with a blue plastic nozzle!! I was doomed.

I then found myself again seated pillion on the scooty with Tasneema and we are discussing all sorts of things like good old friends laughing out loud. Soon her mom says "beta tum bahut achhe ho". I am back at Salmaan's house. I turn my head and see Salmaan covered in blood falling down behind the screen in his room.

Suddenly I heard a "klang klang klang " sound and heard my dad "yes yes... " as something bright hit my eyes. I woke up all wide-awake and realized it was all just a dream- a weird stupid dream. The maid had come to work and dad had opened the door letting in ample light :).

But… still I was not convinced- what was this dream? Bazookas, plastic guns, ATM machines, war, old folk, Salmaan and who was this Tasneema!!!!!?? Scooty!!!

Maybe my recent search for a diwali plastic toy gun for my nephew, the current terror activities on in the country, me and my ATM card, recent talks with my fiancée, various masala movies, my love for canines etc. all these possibly got clobbered into this hilarious plot! :). But again... Kaun hai yeh Tasneema!??

Just thought of getting the above writeup booked :)